What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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