It's like a parade of train wrecks.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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