I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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