it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
