hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
