PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
