the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
