i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
