Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
