he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
