Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
