My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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