also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
