shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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