I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
