i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
