Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
