just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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