so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Randomize
