very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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