So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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