Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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