hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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