Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
