Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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