Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
third nipple confirmed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
