dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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