Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
