Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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