I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
