We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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