I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
