is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
