but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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