you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
