it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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