The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
