She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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