what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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