i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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