Jerry, you need to find god
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
