woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
