Pappa wants mamma naked
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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