I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
