tonight lets celebrate not being married
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
