I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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