Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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