I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
