Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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