I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
