So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
