I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
