i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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