Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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