i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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