my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
