in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
