i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
