They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
