I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
