ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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