Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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