1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
