i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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