Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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