Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
