So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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