he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
