My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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