i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
