Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
