i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
