somebody snuck up and got me drunk
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
