They should really pass out barf bags in church
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
