My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
