Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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