grandma shit on top of the toilet
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize